“Some people just walk into a room and fit right in. I’m not one of them.”
If that sounds like you, welcome. You’re not alone.
There’s a strange ache that comes with being new in a space, whether it’s a new city, a new job, a classroom, or even a group hangout where everyone seems to know everyone but you.
I’ve felt this my whole life.
No matter where I go, there’s a pattern that never fails: I arrive, feel invisible for a while, question everything, and then slowly, very, very slowly, I find my people. And when I do, the bonds I form are incredibly close and meaningful.
But here’s the truth I’ve had to accept: it usually takes me at least 6 months to feel like I belong.
For others, it may take more or less time. For a lucky few, it happens instantly. But if you’re like me, if it takes time, I want to explore why that is, and what you can do to make the transition a little softer.
Why Does This Happen?
1. You’re the Observant Kind
If you’re not the loudest voice in the room, it might feel like you’re being left behind. But observation is your strength. You like to understand the space before you fully enter it. That depth takes time to reveal itself and people may take longer to notice you. But when they do, they’re in for something real.
2. Existing Groups Move in Familiar Patterns
Most people aren’t actively trying to exclude you, they’re just in a comfort zone. They already have routines, cliques, and shared experiences. When you’re new, you’re an unknown variable. It takes effort for people to make space. And that’s not on you that’s just how group dynamics work. Let’s be real, how much effort do you try to put into getting to know someone new in your life, a new classmate? A new teammate? a new neighbour’s kid? Not much, right? It works the same way for you. The thoughts of being left out are mostly just in your head.
3. You’re Also Adjusting Internally
New environments don’t just test our social skills they shake up our identity. Who are you in this new setting? How do you want to show up here? Feeling out of place might be your internal system figuring out how to anchor itself again.
How to Deal With It (For Anyone Going Through It Now)
Whether you’re moving to a new city, joining a new school, or just stepping into unfamiliar territory, here are five things that made a huge difference for me, hoping it helps you too!
1. Find Tiny Anchors
Start with small constants: a morning coffee spot, a specific park bench, a playlist that feels like home. These aren’t just habits, they’re emotional stabilisers. They help your brain associate the new place with safety and familiarity.
2. Don’t Try to Force Belonging
You don’t need to chase people’s approval. Instead, create gentle openings: smile, ask someone how their day’s going, suggest a casual plan. If it doesn’t land no big deal. The right connections often start with soft, unassuming beginnings.
3. Journal What You’re Feeling
Writing things down gives your emotions a place to sit outside your head. It helps you spot growth over time, and it reminds you that even on days when you feel like you’re not moving forward, you are.
4. Set a “Survival Timeframe”
Give yourself a mental checkpoint. Mine is 3 months. I tell myself: “Let’s just get through the next 90 days. No pressure to thrive yet.” And then I extend it. It gives me room to breathe and be patient with the process. I have moved to so many new countries and places that at this point I can almost predict how much time it will take me to find my people, until then its hard but I am just patient with the process.
5. Keep In Touch With the Old You
While you’re figuring out the new version of yourself in this new space, don’t forget the people and parts of you that already exist. Call your best friend. Wear that hoodie that reminds you of home. You’re not reinventing yourself, you’re just growing.
Here are my final thoughts:
If you’re in a phase of life where everything feels unfamiliar, please know this:
You are not alone. You’re just in transition.
The feeling of being left out is real but rest assured it’s not forever. Eventually, things do shift. You find one person, then two. You discover shared laughs, late-night chats, weird inside jokes and suddenly, you’re no longer an outsider.
It doesn’t happen overnight. But it is bound to happen. You got this, girl!
You just have to stay long enough to find your people. And they’ll be so glad you did.
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